This blog is for some of the #DearSingleLadies writers. I hope this blog encourages you in one way or another. As I too am single…as in not married. Rather in my case, no longer married. I stand as a defense for those that’s never been married or are divorced and patiently waiting. I’ve seen my fair share of #DearSingleLadies Facebook and Twitter posts that comes across rather strong and some down right harsh. I see very few share how hard it was for some of you when you were single and dating. No one shares how hard it was to not have sex before marriage or better yet how some struggled WITH having sex before marriage and everything else in between! See this posts isn’t in regards to EVERYBODY but just the far and in between that tell you “how hard marriage is”, “don’t be in a rush to be married”, and “it’s not all it’s cracked up to be”…however, these are the same ones that share all the wisdom-ologies of #TeamMarriage, #PowerCouple, #MarriageRocks, and #Marriage101. I’ll be the first to tell you that marriage DOES indeed take work, much prayer, and a roll of duct tape! Yes, duct tape because sometimes it takes everything in you to not say EVERYTHING you want to say! (I’m just saying ;))
Let me share on behalf of myself and other #DearSingleLadies that are hopeful of sharing in the beautiful unity of marriage that GOD created. See before every woman got married she was single…so what was your journey like? Now for those that didn’t date, gave herself wholly to the Lord, had no struggles with sex or the curiosity of sex and of the sort…I truly applaud you and YES…you were definitely a “KEPT” woman so this exempts you. But for those that strrrrrruggled, you had to fan yourself when you were flushed with heat and realized it was thirty-five degrees outside, you had one conversation going on in your head but your body was having another one of its own…tell the #DearSingleLadies how you “pressed through”! Tell us how you slipped and slid into places because you were too close to the edge with nothing to grab ahold of but that six foot frame. (Hmmm…) Please tell the #DearSingleLadies how he broke your heart, rejected you, manipulated you, and deceived you and then you discovered what brokenness felt like so you could understand what wholeness felt like. Please tell the #DearSingleLadies that you understand how frustrating it is, how tiring it is standing at the alter praying God sends you a good, faithful man and all its “benefits”. Feel me?
See, #DearMarriedWoman, some of my #DearSingleLadies need to know that we’re not damaged goods. It would be GREAT to see a post that reads, #DearSingleLadies “I’m praying for you today!” Help encourage one of these #DearSingleLadies that has given up and her heart has turned to stone and her body has betrayed her to take refuge in an illusion. Please tell the #DearSingleLadies how God can make all things new and ALLOW the process as God is building character, integrity, and smoothing out the rough places. I would try to fit it all in here but I might as well save it for my next blog…my own personal letter to my #DearSingleLadies!
#DearMarriedWoman, I know you probably mean well and your heart may be in the right place but please try and remember that words are better spoken from the hearts than from the lips.
You have the power to create the world you want to live in. You’re probably wondering, “How do I do that?” As I am most assured you have heard, read about, or even spoken yourself, “change the way you think!” Most importantly, change the way that you speak AND what you speak! Please don’t misunderstand me, I know we live in a real world with real problems and its likely to get progressively worse before it gets better. Is that a prediction? No! It’s in your “(B)ASIC (I)NSTRUCTIONS (B)EFORE (L)EAVING (E)ARTH! But I digress…
Have you ever been around a person who is constantly and consistently negative? I mean the type of person that on a clear, sky blue day on the beach with the weather tempature about 75 degrees, favorite snacks and beverages, great company, etc…will still find ONE thing to complain about?? I know what you’re thinking! Lol Isn’t it a drag? You’re probably thinking, for one day I would like a moment to not think about everything that is wrong or could be wrong and exercise being GRATEFUL?
I had a season like the person I just described above. It was a bit rocky until one day I woke up and despite all that was wrong I begin to exalt God for everything I was grateful for at that moment, even being grateful for having a toothbrush and toothpaste! I started the process of creating the world I want to live in by simply being grateful! It’s not just for the things I have and the people in my life. Even more so for the things God protected me from that I never knew was a target setup for my demise!
I’m not talking about creating a fantasy world but creating the world you want to live in by loving others, forgiving quickly, treating others as you would like to be treated, walking in integrity…and countless of other acts that you can do to make the world you live in a better place. If you have the mind…there lies the will…CREATE!
Over the past few days I’ve been hearing this repeatedly in my mind, “You can not afford it…you can not afford it!” As I began to ponder on this thought I found myself coming into agreement with it and even saying it aloud. “I can not afford it. I absolutely can not afford it!” I am now totally convinced and there is nothing or no one that can change my mind or persuade me otherwise.
As I transition into this next season I am taking a look back over my life, especially my valley experiences that I am coming out of and my thoughts have been that of much GRATITUDE! It’s easy to sit and recap all the not-so-great moments I’ve had and “get all in my feelings” so to speak. However, I choose to reflect on HOW God protected me, loved on me in one of my darkest hours, continued to provide for me where I NEVER saw lack of no kind! He eased my pain and burdens to allow me to rest IN Him! I appreciate life and understand just how precious it really is. I am truly GRATEFUL beyond what I am able to articulate. Take a few moments and think of one thing (I know that one will be followed by ten more times ten more) that you’re grateful for and speak it into the atmosphere. See, when you look back you’re able to see where and what you’ve journeyed through…it’s looking ahead and TRUSTING God to guide you the rest of the way.
The one thing you absolutely can not afford to do is…GIVE UP!
There comes a point in your life where you are going to have to take a stand for righteousness, stand in faith, stand in opposition, stand when there’s nothing left for you to do! When looking at the word “stand” as a verb or action, it means to “to remain firm or steadfast, as in a cause” (www.dictionary.com).
I am taking a stand to share my faith in God with so many of you. I have scraped the bottom of the barrel to locate that one grain of Mustard Seed faith to keep me pushing ahead. Have there been times I’ve wanted to give up? Absolutely! Sometimes it seems as though the harder I pray the tougher the test is, however; my expectancy is I know God will work it out for His glory. All I have to do is stand! The Word of God says, “Now then, STAND still and see this great thing the Lord is about to do before your eyes!” (1 Samuel 12:16).
Even as life’s journey takes place and you KNOW your hope is in Christ Jesus, continue to “STAND firm, and you will win life” (Luke 21:19)! God knows the expected end for you. He won’t fail you no matter what or how things turn out. He is UNfailing! What you and I must continue to do is, “Be on your guard; STAND firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong” (1 Corinthians 16:13).
“Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your STAND against the devil’s schemes” (Ephesians 6:10-11). These are just a few scriptures to STAND on and know that God’s promises are readily available and are activated through faith, prayer, and belief that truly with God ALL things are possible! We must do our part, yes…our position or action is to…
No sirens. No screeching. No screaming. No yelling. It’s only the sound of His small still voice. Do you find yourself weary at times just from the waves of life? Do you feel as though you’re on the hamster’s wheel of life at times? Or how about wanting just a break from it all and have some peace? *Hands raised!* It’s the small still voice that says, “Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls (Matthew 11:29 NKJV).
God does not want us entangled in the enemy’s devices and schemes. Even those things that lie deep within that causes us to fall short in front of the Holy God of Israel! There is Good News! We have a Remnant! His name is Jesus Christ! He wants to take our filth, setbacks, heartbreaks, heartaches, pain, brokenness, and weaknesses and EXCHANGE it for liberty IN Him! Picture the Cross and the sacrifice that He made. Jesus wants “…To give them beauty for ashes, The oil of joy for mourning, The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; That they may be called trees of righteousness, The planting of The Lord, that He may be glorified” (Isaiah 61:3 NKJV).
The stillness of His voice is calling out to you. There is NOTHING that you have done, is doing, or will do that will not qualify you from receiving His love. You only have to believe! “that if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved (Romans 10:9 NKJV).
He is speaking.
As a little girl I had so many dreams of who I wanted to become. I wanted to model after my third grade teacher, Mrs. Floyd. I wanted to sing like Whitney Houston. I fancied after the character of Claire Huxtable to be a great wife, mother, successful, and have a loving family. Truth of the matter is deep down inside I knew I wanted to tell as many people about Jesus as I could. I was always somewhere alone talking to him when I was a little girl. My most fondest memory would be lying outside on the wooden beach my grandparents had, under the shade tree, and I would look up towards heaven and we would TALK! I knew as a child that Jesus was real! I would sing old hymns (because that’s all I heard my grandmother do). Oh, how sweet it is to know Jesus y’all!
Now that I’m an adult, life has taking some turns. There has been great times of testing. There have been victories on every side. YET I made it! There is YET praise in my mouth! If God be for you then who can be against you, right? *Hi5*
Please allow me to share this very true sentiment with YOU…Jesus is your ONLY hope in this life. Jesus loves you so much that He GAVE His life so that you can live! If you feel all hope is gone and you feel like giving up…my prayer is that you will have a God experience that will change your life FOREVER times infinity! You SHALL live and not die! You SHALL rise up again. You SHALL recover and your increase SHALL be plentiful, in Jesus Name! All in the Name of JESUS!
Time and time again you may have heard “let it go”! I have always wondered why does it seem so hard to let go of toxic relationships. Albeit, whether its friendships, business partners, or dating relationships, when it’s over, it’s over. Sadly to admit, even in some cases where marriages have ended in divorce (even my own) but I digress.
Time is the most valuable asset that we are given because it means we’re alive and we can either maximize it or waste it. The same as with the company we keep. Evaluate your “circle” and see what is it producing, how is it adding to your life or subtracting from it, and are you moving forward or not moving at all? Does your circle of friends motivate, encourage, support, or challenge you to be great? Or are they time snatchers that just want to “shoot the breeze”, always do the same old thing they have been doing for the past five years or more? Absolutely NOTHING! Do your own inventory! This is not a judgment call on anyone else but for YOU to judge your surroundings and ask yourself, “Am I being fruitful, productive, and plentiful?” Or “Am I withering away and just going through the motions?” I am in no way suggesting you cut off everyone in your life but for you to prioritize and take a good long look at where you are and what it’s going to take for you to get to where you need to be. Either you’re swimming or sinking.
Before you start chopping away, first, see if you can meet with your friends and be bold and honest about where you are in life and that it’s time for you to grab the reins and get to moving. Ask them for their understanding as well as support. Next, start saying, “NO!” sometimes. You owe no explanation for your journey, you just need to arrive! Lastly, but not least, pray and ask God to grant you wisdom in your transition in severing relationships that are no longer beneficial at this time (it doesn’t mean forever but for a season…your call). Also, ask God to give you wisdom and favor in connecting with those that are a part of His will for your life. After all, it’s not about you but about the mission being accomplished that God assigned FOR you that will serve someone else.
Stay tuned…we’re just getting started!
In my previous blog post I shared some pretty heavy insight about “The Cry of a Woman” that some of us as women may be able to relate to and hopefully that some men can grow to understand or perhaps be sensitive enough to care. When a woman cries from that place in her most inner being it’s not an easy place to just bounce back and jump back on the saddle of life and start galloping away like nothing never happened (although most times it is the case because all choices have been exhausted)! One of the hardest things to conceptualize is “being misunderstood”. People often say they’re not judging you when that may not necessarily be all true. There are a lot of things I said I couldn’t see myself doing (that I saw someone else do and disapproved of) until I was placed in the same or similar situation. Trust me, the story is completely different once on the inside! Deep down you just wished someone understood. What I have grown to understand through my own personal experiences is that everybody can’t handle “your” truth because it comes with a hefty price of “being misunderstood”.
Allow me to share one of the greatest misunderstandings that have always been placed over my head like a mistletoe with flashing lights: “You don’t have any children so you don’t have to…” Yes! I felt like I was under the gun because of not having a child so I often felt ridiculed for it. My heart would sadden and there would be a cry deep down inside because if only they knew my heart’s desire was to one day be a mother and share in the joy I’m often reminded of when it comes to children.
In this life we understand there is joy and pain that we experience in different seasons of our time here on earth. As a woman, when I cry I realize that I not only cry for myself but for the little girl inside that was exposed to things that shouldn’t have been seen through the eyes of a child. I also cry for the woman who fears that if she sheds one more tear that it would send her over the edge and she’s holding on to the last strand of hope. I cry for the one who’s story hasn’t been told yet everyone “else” can tell you all about her. If we but truly understood God’s grace that covers us because if all that we have done was exposed for all to see…who would cry for you and who would cry for me?
Ponder that…stay tuned!