Magnetized? *scratches head* Ok, let me explain. After settling back into life as a single woman (at the time) approaching forty I begin to look at things a little differently. Not only did I consider some things about myself but the type of men that were drawn or maybe I should say “magnetized” to me. I had to go all the way in and ask questions like, “Why am I so trusting?” “Do I come across as too passive or a ‘nice girl’?” You know what I mean my ‘nice girl’ right? No? Oh! Pleeeeeease allow me to enlighten you! See there’s a difference in being pleasant or cordial and nice. Some people may view nice as being gullible or they can get you to do almost anything because you won’t like saying, “no”. That ‘nice girl’ wants to feel accepted, needed, and wanted and the more you request of her the more valuable she feels not knowing that Joe Blow could care two rats and an artichoke (AHHH…but you thought it!) The ‘nice girl’ begins to feel appreciated all the while being depreciated but won’t know how much until there’s a fender bender of the heart. Was I THAT ‘nice girl’?
In many ways, yes! I was her but very much so blinded to that notion because I was distracted by the schedule of events that took place versus WHO was orchestrating these events. Now I could easily insert here, “oh that ole devil was busy! You know satan doesn’t like marriage!” Yeah, yeah let me spare you the things you ALREADY know! Yes, I went through those phrases of “I didn’t see it coming!” Girl, please have several seats! BULL-LONEY (bring it back in Ms. Gina ya cutting it too close). This wasn’t my first rodeo and I have enough familiar scars to know when I’m being cut in the same place…AGAIN!
To magnetize, simply means to attract or have influence. Seems to be a good thing, right? Of course! Who doesn’t want that?! If you think back to physics, magnetics basically deals with energy, light, & transmission (just to put it in laymen terms without the explanation of science theories and stuff. I can’t swim so I’ll stay on the shallow end…but I digress). I begin on this quest of what in the world was going on inside of me that has this certain type of “energy” that was producing this magnetic force to attract these ____________________ men?!? (Line left blank on purpose because the line isn’t long enough!!) Ok, ok, ok…this is about ME! *literally exhaling*
In this season of “Divorced, Dateless, and Over 40”, I’ve chosen to DE-magnetize some areas in my life because I’m able to take a moment and feel the energy from within. Basically, I’m allowing my discerning spirit to be a “meter”…when I see it moving in those yellow/red zones I’m chunking deuces! Now hold on…I’m not trying to weed out a person with no faults or the perfect guy because I’m not faultless and far from perfect. But I refuse to fall into what has always been. How do I know I won’t? I don’t know! I do NOT trust myself to do it on my own. The main attraction I need is for the Light of Christ to be so evident and so bright in my life that “those” that might try would flee like roaches when the light comes on! I’m finding it easier to shut off and walk away quickly and be at peace with the unknown of “what if this time I’m wrong?” Well…what if I’m right?
“What if”…is the hamster wheel of the mind!!