#DearMarriedWoman

This blog is for some of the #DearSingleLadies writers. I hope this blog encourages you in one way or another. As I too am single…as in not married. Rather in my case, no longer married. I stand as a defense for those that’s never been married or are divorced and patiently waiting. I’ve seen my fair share of #DearSingleLadies Facebook and Twitter posts that comes across rather strong and some down right harsh. I see very few share how hard it was for some of you when you were single and dating. No one shares how hard it was to not have sex before marriage or better yet how some struggled WITH having sex before marriage and everything else in between! See this posts isn’t in regards to EVERYBODY but just the far and in between that tell you “how hard marriage is”, “don’t be in a rush to be married”, and “it’s not all it’s cracked up to be”…however, these are the same ones that share all the wisdom-ologies of #TeamMarriage, #PowerCouple, #MarriageRocks, and #Marriage101. I’ll be the first to tell you that marriage DOES indeed take work, much prayer, and a roll of duct tape! Yes, duct tape because sometimes it takes everything in you to not say EVERYTHING you want to say! (I’m just saying ;))

Let me share on behalf of myself and other #DearSingleLadies that are hopeful of sharing in the beautiful unity of marriage that GOD created. See before every woman got married she was single…so what was your journey like? Now for those that didn’t date, gave herself wholly to the Lord, had no struggles with sex or the curiosity of sex and of the sort…I truly applaud you and YES…you were definitely a “KEPT” woman so this exempts you. But for those that strrrrrruggled, you had to fan yourself when you were flushed with heat and realized it was thirty-five degrees outside, you had one conversation going on in your head but your body was having another one of its own…tell the #DearSingleLadies how you “pressed through”! Tell us how you slipped and slid into places because you were too close to the edge with nothing to grab ahold of but that six foot frame. (Hmmm…) Please tell the #DearSingleLadies how he broke your heart, rejected you, manipulated you, and deceived you and then you discovered what brokenness felt like so you could understand what wholeness felt like. Please tell the #DearSingleLadies that you understand how frustrating it is, how tiring it is standing at the alter praying God sends you a good, faithful man and all its “benefits”. Feel me?

See, #DearMarriedWoman, some of my #DearSingleLadies need to know that we’re not damaged goods. It would be GREAT to see a post that reads, #DearSingleLadies “I’m praying for you today!” Help encourage one of these #DearSingleLadies that has given up and her heart has turned to stone and her body has betrayed her to take refuge in an illusion. Please tell the #DearSingleLadies how God can make all things new and ALLOW the process as God is building character, integrity, and smoothing out the rough places. I would try to fit it all in here but I might as well save it for my next blog…my own personal letter to my #DearSingleLadies!

#DearMarriedWoman, I know you probably mean well and your heart may be in the right place but please try and remember that words are better spoken from the hearts than from the lips.

Pearls of Wisdom ~ Stand Guard

I am reminded of the scripture that says, “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life” (Proverbs 4:23 NLT). When I sit still and think back on some of the choices I’ve made, with all of its best intentions, when it comes to the matter of “love” it has not always turned out favorable. That does not in no way cast blame on the other person because after all, each person is responsible for their own actions. The Bible, particularly in the Book of Proverbs, shares a lot about the wise and the foolish person. “Wise people think before they act; fools don’t—and even brag about their foolishness” (Proverbs 13:16 NLT). Trust me, I have found some of my own identifiers when it comes to being foolish. When you don’t choose to exercise wisdom or seek after it, your plans and everything in it will turn to folly. Ask me how I know!

I’m sure many of you reading this blog have experienced your heart being broken or disappointed and it feels like the healing will never take place. Your thought process is on repeat as to the turn of events and are in full 3-D in your mind and on surround sound. Many emotions are flooding ranging from embarrassment, hurt, guilt, shock, confusion, blame, anger, frustration, doubt, disappointment, betrayal, lack of peace, sadness, etc. The list can go on and on. I just wanted to plug in that you’re not alone and this too shall pass. “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds [curing their pains and their sorrows]” (Psalm 147:3 AMP).

*NUGGETS** – To the single ladies (this includes those dating too):
•Develop your own personal mission statement when it comes to relationships or dating. Find balance. For instance, every man that breezes into your life is not possibly “the one”. Yes, when you meet someone new it is always a breath of “fresh air” blowing your way in comparison to your last dating experience. How many times have you heard or even said that yourself? I’m not saying anything is wrong with it just put EVERYTHING into perspective.
•If your preference is to not be in the company of a man who drinks, smokes, and/or uses profanity, why make exceptions to your own “rules”? Why is THIS time ok? It doesn’t mean you’re being judgmental, it’s your preference.
•Don’t apologize for being who you are. Your personality is what makes you unique when you’re exercising good morals and obedience to God in regards to your personal relationship with Christ and overall being genuinely nice person. Don’t allow your meekness to be interpreted as weakness. When weakness is displayed, it’s like a silent alarm!

Take these small token of wisdom pearls and stand “guard” around your heart…Stay tuned!

Pearls of Wisdom…Life’s Lessons I’ve Learned

Today has been a very reflective day for me. Sometimes I am in awe when I think about how much grace God has shown to…me. When I think back to the times where I went my own way, thought I had it all figured out, when I made things feel right knowing that it was all wrong. Trust me; you KNOW when you’re either out of the will of God or preparing to cross the line. There have been times where I have sat before God and said, “I don’t understand why this is happening!” The toughest thing has been to ask God to show me where my error lies. It gave me the opportunity to acknowledge my faults/sins, learn from it, and teach others that are seemingly headed in the same direction I just came out of and as someone warned or advised me…chances are that person won’t listen because their heart and head are reversed just as mine was…I totally understand! Then there are a few far and in between that will take those pearls of wisdom and actually trust God to show them and exhale later when the truth of the matter comes to surface.

Young ladies, to those that are hopeful for promising relationships and praying for God to send “Mr. Right” – please let me share a few nuggets with you that may help save you from a lot of disappointment and a long teary night. Your heart is one of the most fragile attachments to your emotional state. It’s the core of who you are and where you find that you will weigh a lot of your decisions…trusting your feelings or your gut. Listen, that’s fine when you trust God more than you are yourself. Proverbs 3:5-6 says, “Trust in the LORD with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take” (NLT). Sometimes I stand back and ask God, “Who am I to share any words of wisdom when all else around me has fallen apart?” Then God reminds me of His grace and when I remember what I’ve had to go through to gain wisdom to share as my heart breaks for those that find themselves entangled in grief and despair…can’t see past the pain because it is suffocating their lives. I’m here to tell you God is MUCH closer than you think!

Here are just a few pearls you may want to gather for your necklace… “What you learn from them will crown you with grace and be a chain of honor around your neck” Proverbs 1:9 (NLT) and “Tune your ears to wisdom, and concentrate on understanding” Proverbs 2:2 (NLT).

Ø Take inventory on where you are in life. Do you have the time to invest in a relationship? Are you where you want to be in life? Are you pursuing your goals and ambitions? Have you sought after God for what your purpose is in life? Not having a clear vision or goal on what you want to do will certainly not become a priority when you start a new relationship.
Ø Think back on previous relationships that did not work out and challenge yourself as to the things you would do differently. Do you find that there is a pattern to the type of men that you meet? For instance, you meet men that are full of potential yet not doing anything about it. As you get to know him, how does his job/work history pan out? How consistent is he with following through commitments?
Ø You meet a gentleman and you’re overwhelmed with physical attraction that it overcompensates for the things you know you told yourself you wouldn’t put up with and yet you give in. If you want to see his level of commitment to you, KEEP YOUR LEGS CLOSED and just…watch. *NOT all men fit the profile of being a skirt chaser. There are some God-fearing men that really want to do it God’s way and they struggle with the same thing that you struggle with too.*
Ø Talk less and LISTEN more and the things that make you go, “hmm…” or perhaps you put a “mental check” note on something…LISTEN! Maya Angelou said it best, “The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.”
Ø I cannot stress enough how many times we hear “take it slow” and instead run full steam ahead…heading nowhere fast! SLOW DOWN! Like seriously, if he’s such a great catch, your opened legs will not keep him any longer than he wants to stay.

I know you’ve heard this a hundred times over…well, here’s one more time and if the shoe fits…girl, put it on and walk out your integrity! “Wise choices will watch over you. Understanding will keep you safe. Wisdom will save you from evil people, from whose words are twisted” Proverbs 2: 11-12 (NLT).

Stay tuned…I’m just getting warmed up!!!