DD40-The Series: My Greatest History Lesson
So by now you know that I’m divorced, dateless, and over 40! That sounds pretty…grim, huh? Well, allow me to bring your mind at ease…I love the simplicity of my life. I have a family that adores me (I’d like to think I’m a little spoiled), the greatest of friends that any one person could have, a part of a loving and growing church family that assists in my spiritual nourishment and God is and has been good to me even when I’m not as faithful to Him. I really am undeserving of His grace and I don’t take that lightly. And the list goes on and on…and on. So, why am I single???
Hopefully, I’m able to explain and while this series is about me I’m sure there are others that can relate. If this is not you, then all being well, this will make for a good read! We’ve all heard from time-to-time, “Girl, don’t settle for less than God’s best!” Somewhere along the way I must’ve blunked because I totally missed the memo! (Don’t act like this has never happened to you.) I reached a place in my life where I felt like everyone around me was either in relationships, getting married, or having children and there I was bogged down in writing academic papers and online assignments. Then as life happened…I met someone. “It was all a dream. Last night I had a dream. Thoughts was racin’ through my head. It was all a dream. Felt so real to me. This is what was said…” (Dreams by Biggie Smalls) What’cha know about that Biggie? Ok, ok, ok…focus Gina! So, I met someone and I thought “THIS IS IT!” I’m on a natural high…feeling wiggly and giggly, goose bumps, staying up late talking and getting up early talking, and sharing how great this is with my bestest of girlfriends (yeah, so…I felt like I was back in high school). Little did I know I was about to experience the ride of my life and I was buckled down like a crash car dummy. (See, it sounds better coming from me than you.)
So I’m putting in all this time trying to get to “know” this person and the sirens, bullhorns, flashing red lights, caution signs, the flip flopping of my stomach, and discerning spirit was showing and telling me otherwise. But what did I do??? Closed my eyes, turned a deaf ear, and told myself it was my nerves. Worst than that…I’d convinced myself that God positioned me in this place. (Oh! He positioned me alright!) I considered everyone and everything else but myself, so it seemed. “What would my friends think? They’re so happy for me!” “What IF I’m wrong?” (Never considered, GIRL WHAT IF YOU’RE RIGHT!?!) See, there was a pattern I was starting to recognize and it was staring me right in my face. The pattern was: ME! Why in the hell was I allowing these things to keep happening? I wasn’t in it for sex and there was a sense of pride I had for upholding my celibacy. It wasn’t for money. (Don’t get me wrong…the extra support is welcomed! Say what’cha want! But I digress..)! I just figured that it was now my turn. I’ve heard many times “Be careful what you pray for.” (Ummmm, I’m thinking be more SPECIFIC of what you pray for!!) But that’s neither here nor there. God isn’t some mystical genie where you rub a few eloquent words or speech and recite scriptures to Him in hopes He would deliver. Oh yeah! I’ve been there “Lord, you said you would give me the desires of my heart.” Well, you better think about it because what’s on the surface of what you think you want is not in comparison to what’s deep down in your heart. I chuckle as I reminisce on the things I was so sure I heard God say. You know, kinda like during those times when God was actually silent! (Aha!)
I will spare you all the juicy, eye-bulging, gasping details of my catastrophic journey but I will share my greatest lessons learned: As the late, great Dr. Maya Angelou once said, “When a person shows you who they are, believe them.” It’s ok to take your time and allow things to settle. My dear friend and mentor, Tekoa Pouerie once told me, “You need to see a person in all seasons.” That statement has never been more truer! Don’t just pray to God but also wait to hear from Him. What do you have to lose?! Ladies, what you allow you also come into agreement with it. If he’s in a tight position or times are hard, don’t try to be his “saving grace”! Sit back and observe how he handle things and more importantly how he RESPONDS to those things when it happens! A man that doesn’t work is not your place to feed. (Use that however you see fit!) Observe how he treats his parents…there’s your peep into your future. Disobedience is like maxing out your credit card acting like its free money: Not having the money to pay it off will lead to bad credit, late fees, and high interest rates. You will pay MORE…LATER!
Stay tuned…Divorced, Dateless, & Over 40…The Series! There’s more!